Waiting for the morning

This is my third pregnancy, yet I am still childless. I have hopes that this baby will make it. After a long season of grief and hurt unimaginable, I am waiting for the morning to come.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Please make it stop

The dream I had last night makes the dream I had on Thursday night look like nothing.

My dream last night was a total and complete nightmare - I was losing my baby, the same way I did in March. Only this time Adam wasn't there with me, and I didn't even have my doctor (or any doctor) to help me go through labor and delivery.

Then, after it was all over, I was facing the same scenario - the cards, flowers, list of meals being brought over, facing shock and disbelief. And then I found Adam and started crying and couldn't stop.

I woke up really uncertain as to whether I was still pregnant or not.

Dear God, will I be facing 9 months of these torturous dreams?

Or, worse - less than 9 months, if the nightmares will come true? Sometimes the fear is paralyzing.