A cold Thursday morning

This would be the perfect morning if only my husband wasn't out of town :( The weather is cold and windy and just wonderfully indicative of a long-awaited approaching winter. And, I'm wearing maternity clothes for the first time! (Well, only the pants are maternity, not the top). I've started to get a little bit of a pudge - just a little - not enough that clothes can't hide it. Still, the maternity pants are more comfortable than regular ones. I think I'm approaching that in-between stage... And a bit earlier than I did in my first pregnancy, too. I don't think I noticed anything until around 12 or so weeks last time. But I could be remembering wrong.

So, as you might be able to tell, I'm starting to get a little bit excited. I added a pregnancy "ticker" to my blog, and I checked out some pregnancy books from the library and started reading them last night (one of them is called "Pregnancy After a Loss" which I think will be good). I'd been avoiding reading any pregnancy material, but I guess I felt it was finally ok. But still... I have to admit I still have this sense of impending doom. That this can't last. Ok... I confess I am terrified of something going wrong - particularly of another stillbirth. I know that the whole pregnancy can go just perfectly and still result in a stillbirth. There is just not much (if anything) we can do to prevent that. This all just seems so risky! But yet, we chose to throw our hearts out there anyway, in hopes of love. Loving is risky. But our hope is that we will not love and then lose, again.