Pregnancy after a loss

You know, the other day I was realizing I sometimes find myself thinking of pregnancy as a necessary evil. That is, a completely undesirable thing that has to be endured in order to have children. Isn't that sad?

I wish it hadn't come to this. It's hard not to end up here, though, when you have loved and lost a baby - especially one that was perfectly formed (the autopsy showed not one thing wrong with him!), that your body rejects needlessly. And especially one that you have waited for for SOOOO long.

I know there are many of us in this place. Those for whom the joy and shine of pregnancy has been diminished. Who are reluctant to announce the pregnancy and very hesitant to get excited. Who are afraid to buy maternity clothes. Who are afraid to register at baby stores, shop for nursery furniture, or make any plans having to do with the baby.

My heart goes out to these women. I am one of them. It is like belonging to a club that no one wants to be a part of. Yet the bond in this "club" is incredibly strong. Only those who have loved and lost can understand. That is not to say anything bad towards those who have not lost a baby - it is just that there is no way they can understand. I am okay with that. But there is just something about finding another bereaved parent - there is an instant bond even before any words are spoken.

We speak a sacred language.